


Haven't you heard? I'm just a fool

by hiinacolada



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 03:25:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10778538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiinacolada/pseuds/hiinacolada
Summary: Bokuto Kotaro's need for constant reassurance is eating him alive.





	Haven't you heard? I'm just a fool

**Author's Note:**

> y'all mind if i
> 
> self project all my insecurities and frustrations onto my favorite boy

 “Do you love me Akaashi?”

Akaashi stilled, the drumming of his fingers silenced by the loaded question. “Bokuto-san, what kind of question is that?”’

Bokuto shook his head, pulling himself closer against the wall. “I-I know i-it’s a dumb question,” he paused, swallowing hard, “b-but sometimes I feel like you don’t, like I-I’m too hard to love, l-like it’s not _worth_ it.”

Akaashi took a long, deep breath. He’d been through this more than once with Bokuto but each time was worse than the last. “You know I do, I always have and always will.”

“Y-You always say that,” Bokuto sniffled. “but what if you’re just telling me that? W-What if you’re just saying that to – to calm me down?”

Akaashi could feel the frown on his face practically engraving itself permanently into his features. He hated hearing Bokuto question his love. He hated hearing Bokuto say such harsh and demeaning things. He hated it _so damn much_ but he knew that being frustrated with Bokuto-san wasn’t going to solve anything.

Instead, he walked over to their bed, where Bokuto sat pressed against the corner of the wall. His weight sank the both of them as he crawled over the mess of blankets and pillows to reach Bokuto.  

“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi called out, urging him to face him. He shook his head, refusing.

Akaashi sighed in defeat and moved in closer. His knees pressed gently into Bokuto’s back as he rested his head against his shoulder and wrapped his arms around his torso, pulling him into a tight hug. Akaashi could feel Bokuto tensing up underneath his touch but he didn't pull away.

“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi said again, the words gently ghosting across Bokuto’s exposed skin. “I love you. I love you with all I have and would never give you up for anything else the universe could possibly offer me.”

Bokuto shifted uncomfortably, curling and uncurling his hands in the sheets. He took a shaky breath, his hands now completely fisted into the fabric.

“Why?”

The question was barely audible even to Akaashi, whose face was mere inches away from Bokuto’s. But he heard it nonetheless.

“Why?” Akaashi echoed.

“Why me?” Bokuto repeated, only louder this time. “Why me, Akaashi? I-I can’t offer you anything worthwhile. I can’t even go a damn day without asking if you still love me or not!”

Akaashi pulled back as Bokuto turned to face him.  His face was hot with tears and frustration.

“Bokuto-san…” Akaashi whispered, taken aback.

Bokuto dug the heel of his palm into his eyes, wiping way the tears as he spoke, “Wh-y? H-How?!” He swallowed hard. “How can you love someone like _me_ when you’re someone like _you_?! W-When you’re someone who’s going somewhere and doing great things while I’m barely getting by?!”

Bokuto took deep breaths, slowly calming himself. He averted his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. “How can you claim to love someone as pathetic as me?”

Akaashi sat in silence, taking in everything, processing and accessing the situation. “Why do you think you’re not worth it? What makes you think you’re any less valuable than myself?”

Bokuto turned to face Akaashi quickly, as if almost frustrated with the question. “Because-”

“Because what? Because you feel like you’re not providing enough for me? Because you feel like all relationships work in some sort of ‘give and you shall receive’ manner?”

Bokuto looked to the wrinkled sheets beneath him, as if they held the answers he was looking for. But almost immediately after, Akaashi gently cups his face in his hands, forcing their eyes to meet. “Bokuto-san, relationships are not based off a give-to-get system. I’m here, with you, because of the way you make me feel.”

He gently let his hand fall to Bokuto’s, briefly breaking eye contact to stare at their intertwined fingers. “You make me genuinely happy Bokuto. I couldn’t imagine a future without you.”

“I don’t ruin with all my questions?”

Akaashi laughed a little, “Not at all Bokuto-san. I’ll always be here to answer your questions,”

“Even if it’s about the world’s biggest rubber duck?”

Akaashi nodded, pleasantly surprised to see a small smile tugging at Bokuto’s lips. “Come on,” Akaashi said gently, “lets lay down for now, okay?”

Bokuto, both physically and mentally exhausted, complied without much resistance.

Akaashi was the first to drift off, curled into Bokuto’s chest. He smiled sadly at the man next to him and oh, oh how he wished his heart didn’t ache at the sight or how is stomach didn’t twist up at the thought of being loved.

Oh, how he wished he could believe him.

**Author's Note:**

> THERE ARE NO HAPPY ENDINGS IN THIS HOUSE
> 
> ***edit: the pissy mood is over but i thought it'd still be nice to post lmao


End file.
